'Keep Your Eyes On Your Prizes' by Marisa Kriangwiwat Holmes at Calaboose, Montreal

(GRUNTS) (GASPS) (PANTING) (ALL SHOUTING) (RUMBLING) (POWER SHUTTING DOWN) (PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) (BOTH GRUNT) JAKE: “Do you believe in a Hail Mary?” (GRUNTS)

From my seat in 29B I’ve got a clear shot of 28C’s media console—a Gerard Butler epic. Yet again, we’ve averted the sixth mass extinction event with only seconds to spare! A few nights ago, before my flight, I caught the tail end of a PBS program which explained that, prior to the most recent of the extinction events, North America was dominated by several different ancestral species of horses. Due to my once insatiable appetite for IKEA meatballs, on many different occasions, I’ve unknowingly eaten horse meat. For Ajax, Smarty Jones and Curlin being ‘vanned off’ or ‘broke down’ means that a Lasix saturated prize horse will likely find its way abstracted into spherical grounds soaked in an ALLEMANSRÄTTEN cream sauce. Mees, do you remember when we got laser synchronized soft serve after you helped me get a mattress last year? I think a lot about what made your Instagram story of the whole procedure so popular. I haven’t come to a conclusion but I’m comfortable thinking that most people just enjoy seeing the compatibility between novelty and technology.

(SIGHS) (RUMBLING) (LAUGHS) (EXCLAIMS IN TRIUMPH) (ALL CHEERING) (SIRENS WAILING) (DUCKS QUACKING)